One year ago today I found out I was pregnant with my perfect healthy baby that I miscarried at 11+5weeks. I can't stop crying at the minute. I've had many miscarriages before and since but this one hit me really hard. I was convinced this was the baby I was bringing home. I also feel eternal guilt for my body been the reason my perfect baby died.

I have a blood clotting autoimmune condition that had been undiagnosed until after this miscarriage.

I was tired after food shopping and rather than doing several trips to the car I carried all the bags in at once. After I finished putting the shopping away I went to the loo. When I wiped there was blood. A blood clot had formed between the placenta and my uterus. As the placenta was only just forming it killed my baby as the placenta was still . We saw the last few slow heartbeats on the ultrasound and then nothing.

I will forever feel guilty that had I not carried all that shopping the placenta would have been able to develop properly. Had I not pushed after the doctor said my 5 other miscarriages don't count as they happened around 3-5 weeks I may have been diagnosed sooner.

I'm now struggling to get pregnant and as I turn 37 this year I fear I won't get pregnant again. I know I'm rambling and 8 don't really expect a response. It just helps me feel better when I write down my feelings as I can't express them face to face. If you've made it this far thank you for taking the time to read my story.