I don't know what's wrong with me. Why am I such a fucking weirdo. I can't make friends. I'm so stupidly shy and can't make conversation with new people. There's like this block where I can't seem to say anything. Online talking to people and stuff I'm alright but in person like a guy I went on a date with said I didn't make conversation and I was boring. I don't know how to be interesting. I used to be bullied at school and it ground me down. At one point I used to be so outgoing but somewhere in my teen years I just stopped. Started being more quiet. Keeping to myself. My friends stabbed me in the back so I became lonely. And now when it comes to guys I've only had one boyfriend and that ended because he lost interest I mean why wouldn't he? To look at me I look awful, I'm so dull. At one point he said that there was nothing boring about me but clearly he didn't think I was enough for him or he'd still be around. So now I can't think about going out with someone else because they won't find me interesting. Please don't say I need to love myself and all that because I can't I just can't do it anymore. I don't wanna pretend I'm fun and exciting when deep down I'm just such a boring individual with nothing to her. I don't think I'm ever going to be okay if I'm honest. People at work seem to avoid being near me and I don't blame them. I'm the new weird quiet one who has no personality. All I do is laugh when people say funny things and smile at people but I have nothing to say back. I can't do it anymore I just don't see the point. I don't want any judgements or anyone to say grow up or sack up because I can't, I've tried. I've tried being strong emotionally but when it comes down to it being around people isn't for me, nobody wants to know me and it makes me sad cause I'm 21 and wanna go out drinking, having fun, going clubbing, but I have nobody to go with cause I have no friends. So I'm stuck at home being a boring bitch. Maybe I deserve it tho. Maybe I deserve to be sad and alone. I don't deserve happiness

*Thank you all for your lovely words, I was just having a down moment, I've been having a lot since I split with my ex so I'm finding it hard to be nice to myself but I will try, making little changes, a bit at a time. Thank you again♥️