***talks about depression***

For a long time I was in denial about my depression and I’ve “come to grips” with it.. meaning I no longer am denying to myself that I have it. Depression seems to run in my family (mainly my mom and my grandma and great grandma) so it seems like all the women on my maternal side of the family suffer from it. For a while I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I wanted to “beat the odds” but in doing so I was just stuffing my problems down further and further.

My husband said he’s struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide in the past. He has been very open about it since before we got married.

We’ve been arguing a lot lately because of my irritability and frustrations. The smallest things set me off and it turns into an argument cause he doesn’t understand why I’m acting this way.

My thing is, if you’ve struggled with it than surely you know the signs and are better at picking up on that sort of thing but I guess not. I’m by no means trying to make that an excuse that’s just how I see it in my mind..

Back to the main question, how do I tell him? There’s so many times that my mouth is ready to say the words but when I try to I just can’t say it..

Help me please 😔

**edit** I also wanted to throw in this that I’ve been using weed to self medicate. It helps me eat and all around just feel better. I’m constantly nauseous or just feel sick in general. Recently we’ve been arguing about it which makes no sense to me. I wasn’t much into it until I met him. He’s been a stoner since his early teens. I’ve developed a dependency on it specifically because it allows me to actually eat without wanting to vomit. If I don’t smoke I often times will barely eat. We’ve been having issues with our dealers not communicating with us and it’s become increasingly harder to find someone to sell to us. Idk why this has become a problem all of a sudden trying to buy because we use to get it so easily and usually same day we asked for it but anyway.. that’s what our most recent arguments have been about. I get pissed cause no one will sell to us (we always buy at least 5g’s which is $50) and, like I said, I’ve become dependent on it. He’s started calling me a fiend (basically calling me an addict) when I get pissed about it.. and I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell him I need it for my depression but I worry he’ll say I’m making it up. I just don’t know what to do.