First - let me start off my saying my husband is amazing and this is in no way meant to be a husband bashing post.

He is a great dad, we are great life partners, we balance each other so well. We’ve been together since we were teenagers (17 years), and had ups and downs but I’d choose him again a million times.

But as time has gone on, as much as he shows me care, loyalty, etc, I am certain he is no longer attracted to me. My weight has yoyoed (up and down 40lbs or so) over the years and I know he’s a very ‘visual’ man when it comes to attraction. He knows I have thyroid and hormone issues that I’ll battle my whole life, ive given him the opportunity to leave many times but he doesn’t even let me finish my thought when I bring it up. He says it’s not an option, and I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and that he’s never going anywhere.

We work so well together and are so comfortable with one another but he has zero desire for me. He says he does, but I mean sex is at max once a week. MAX. And if it is, it’s straight to the point. I mean I like that a lot of the time but sometime you gotta have the extra stuff lol. And i knowww he’s a sexual, hands on guy because I’ve benefited from that many, many times. Plus, I am well aware intimacy isn’t only sex, and there’s no stolen kisses or unannounced hugs, no real cuddling outside of a bit if we’re watching a show. And this is a big change. It hasn’t always been this way, but the change wasn’t sudden either.

For example, I’m currently pregnant and we travelled to a potential (but very unlikely) Zika area, and between waiting for doctors appointments and test results, he hasn’t been cleared as Zika-free so we have been sexless for a month at this point. He hasn’t so much as approached me or wanted to engage in any other intimate acts. I told him I bought condoms two days ago so it’s safe to have sex and he hasn’t even triedddd. I didn’t actually get them, I just wanted to see if he’d take the bait or even get a tiny bit excited. NOTHING. I know this l could be because of the situation but this example is one of many. After having my third child, I was cleared for sex (it had been 4 weeks or so?) and he didnt even try to come close for another few days after. He used to tease me any time we couldn’t be intimate for whatever reason. Having to hold ourselves back. It’s like he has zero interest in sex.

Now before anyone says cheating, he’s home right after work, doesn’t work overtime, sees the boys like once a week (they are all family oriented, family friends) and even at that it’s at one persons house that I can (and have) dropped by unannounced because I’m friends with that persons wife. I have full access to his phone and all social media, but he’s not into technology and I work in IT. It’d be really hard to hide something from me. I’m not the snooping type but I have checked because I’ve been looking for any reason he’s so uninterested. Point being, I have no doubt at all that he is faithful.

I’ve tried initiating, dressing up, role playing, being adventurous/spontaneous, being ‘scheduled’, not pushing it, pushing it, talking about this, not talking about this, emphasizing how much this bothers me, leaving it alone...I literally have no other possible ideas. Especially since I’m pregnant at the moment and he doesn’t enjoy sex generally when I’m pregnant, I’m really at my wits end.

I don’t want this to be the end of our intimacy or our marriage, but I’ve become so self conscious and worried that we’re nothing more than amazing friends. I’m so scared he just isn’t interested in me but won’t leave because he’s so loyal. He says this is just a phase, but it’s been years. There was a year or two in recent years where he couldn’t keep his hands off of me, so I know it’s not just age related (we’re only in our mid thirties 😭)

If anyone has tips, advice or insight I’d appreciate it.

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YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED

- I have asked him to get tested for hormonal issues, but he literally has zero other issues. I haven’t pushed it because what if he doesn’t, then what? 😭 he’s also healthy, generally fit.

- We have also been very open about this, I’ve been able to speak my mind and he, his. Nothing came up as a roadblock for him but I mean it’s been a longgggg time now. Not a few months, a few years.

- I wouldnt have problem with once a week if there was any physical intimacy in between (a kiss, a long hug, some type of physical contact. The only time I know he wants sex is because he literally comes to my side of the bed to hold me until his hands move elsewhere. There is no physical connection at all in between, which is very different from the past 😔