Love can be one of the most beautiful things and one of the most awful. For those of you who have love, I am happy for you. Those of you who don’t, I feel your pain. I’m still deeply in love with my ex. It’s been over a year that he broke up with me but I still make excuses to see him and we still have sex. I know I shouldn’t let him, I know I’m stupid for this. He left me so why do I still give him benefits? The thing is, love is something complicated. It doesn’t just bring happiness but also pain. He and I were together for 2 and a half years. Our what would be our 4th year anniversary is coming up. It just gets hard around this time because I just think back to those days where we were happy together. I can’t help to feel this way for him. I hate it. I wish I didn’t because he makes me weak. I love him and that angers me. I wish I could move on but I can’t. This is why I hate it. I hate love because it hurts. I just hope that one day I’m strong enough to leave him. He’s still respectful enough to ask me if this is what I want (before we have sex) and I always say yes. He tells me that he would understand if I were to top talking to him. He just wants me around because he still loves me but right now doesn’t want to be in a relationship because he wants to focus on his goals rn and I understand that. I can’t hate him for that. I know people can balance things out in their lives but if he wants to put his all in his goals then he can do that.

I’m just writing this to vent and to let girls like me know that you’re not alone. Don’t feel stupid for still having feelings for an ex. It’s a feeling that is very hard to control. One day we will find happiness and hopefully that day is soon but if not then let’s just be patient. If they’re meant to be with us then one day they will come back but if not then one day we will find the one.