sometime i see couples everywhere & they seem so happy & full of life & then i think of me in my relationship & i feel so sad & lonely & idk why ..... i think of the “i hope u arent pregnant at this point” “why would u do that?” why would you do this?” “as u should be eating dog food” “you’re so complicated” “you dont love me” “youve changed” “u seem happier other places” “u dont talk to me” “u dont love me” its never ENOUGH of me , its always me .. never enough ... & think to myself i dont deserve this but then think maybe im just over reacting .... he wants this crazy chick who wants to know his every notification on his phone & wants to know where he is & acts like a crazy chick would checking his phone & just crazy & its not me .. im just a little tired of feeling worthless to someone , ive completely lost myself & idk what to do .. or how i ended up here 😪 tired of always being home alone cooking & cleaning after him & his messy dad while my bf works long hours & gets home only to be on his phone the rest of the day .. everydays just a routine , a cycle over & over again ... his days off he sleeps & we stay home , im here at home ALL THE TIME , cant even go out w my mom or cousins bc i have to deal w his attitude about it or even yet his silent game w me, or how much i love being on the street , or “youd rather be out w someone else than home w me” my mind feels like im really going crazy all the voices in my head just keep reminding me of all the mean things hes ever told me keep me up at night but i just play this happy role but inside i feel worthless & ugly ... im just a maid .. i cant believe my life is this way & has been for a year & for some reason i cant leave 🥺 im only 19 i have a whole life ahead of me but everyday just feels like a drag ... i miss my old self , happy & getting ready , so full of life .... my mind is just screaming for help

as i type this i cant even help but bawl my eyes out w all these negative thoughts of myself im so freakin sad i cant take no more ...