On Saturday, we had to make the most difficult decision I’ve ever been faced with, and put down my dachshund who was almost 9 years old.

A month ago a little growth popped up under her skin on her stomach, and on Thursday, we found out it was mast cell cancer. The diagnosis was one to two months after they develop it, so she was almost to two months by the time we had to put her to sleep.

I hurt so much everyday. She was so happy and sweet, all she wanted to do was cuddle and try to play soccer with my lab.

This is the first pet I have ever lost. I was 10 when I got her, and I’m almost 20 and all I want is to hold her one more time.

I held her and kissed her while they gave her the sedative, and she was cuddled long after she passed.

I don’t know how long I’m going to feel this way. I want to be better and be able to think about her in happy ways, but then I feel guilty because it feels like I’m trying to forget about her.

I keep seeing her in her usual spots, then getting hit like a truck when I realize she’s not there, and she’ll never be here again.

My other two babies are glued to me, even though my lab is technically my dads dog, but she’s constantly next to me. My chiweenie is constantly looking around for her, but 100% won’t leave my side.

I hurt so deeply, I feel like I have a huge hole in my heart. I would never wish this on anyone.