Hi ladies

I thought I would share my story and see if any of you can relate. It’s applicable to know I’m an educator and I live in Canada.

We started TTC spring 2017. We thought it would happen fast. I have a history of anxiety and depression so when it didn’t happen right away, it rocked my world. I tried every herb, vitamin, acupuncture, naturalist, and saw my OBGYN. Had an HSG, blood work, ultrasounds etc. I probably spent THOUSANDS on all those naturopath and acupuncture appointments and pills.

By spring 2018 I was loosing my mind TTC. My anxiety and depression had sky rocketed and my workplace was toxic. The plan was to get by until I went on mat leave but that wasn’t happening. My doctor let me go on medical leave for my mental health until September 2018. I was sure I would get pregnant.

September arrives and my medical leave is up. Our 3 year old car engine blows up but the manufacturer won’t pay for it. Then our fridge goes too. We agree we can use up our savings to pay for another used vehicle and new fridge while still paying our taxes.

I take the next three months off to take care of myself (still wasn’t in a good place). I start going to the gym every day. I see my therapist regularly. I go home for a month to visit family. I participate in some awesome PD. By Christmas I feel good.

We decide I’m finally going all in to start my business. I tell EVERYBODY and their dog about it. Plan A was to get pregnant while at work and go on mat leave. Plan B was to get pregnant on medical leave. Plan C is to go ahead and start my business while we go through fertility treatments this year and save our money for <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> or adoption in 2020. Here we are at option C.

Low and behold I’m finally pregnant this month!! I’m taking business classes from our local employment office. Today I found out I don’t qualify for the self employment government assistance program because I quit my job and wasn’t actively looking for work in the mean time.

While I realize how fair this is, I BROKE DOWN tonight feeling like I have wasted so many of our financial resources so that my mental health and pregnancy could come before my career and our financial stability. My husband has been so patient through all of this. He works so hard at his job and pays all our bills... But rightly so he was frustrated tonight that I couldn’t qualify for this program. My income could mean more travel, more savings, etc.

Im finally pregnant, which is all I ever wanted. It seems stupid to start my business now but I’m taking classes and everyone expects it to start in spring. To me it seems more logical to go back to a job full time so I qualify for mat leave. Then again my business was my dream and the gears are already turning. But who knows if this pregnancy will make it to 9 months. I’m feeling stupid and lost.