Today, I finally had sex with my husband after our monthly week off from being banging buddies.

Have a past with sexual assault im not going into it deeply because there's no need. But one of the times the male decided to pin me against my will, my legs up into my chest and hold my arms out like "crucifix" (for lack of better term) style.

I have gotten very good about redirecting my panic attacks during sex or any memories about it. However whenever my husband pins me up like that I have to redirect my thoughts.

But today I literally could not. I was really into everything but the moment he held my arms down I just lost my mind. I started hyperventilating and having flashbacks and getting sick to my stomach and it just seriously messed with my head.My husband feels like a jerk now because he knew better but completely got lost in the moment; the night was completely ruined.

Now i am scared that will happen again.

What are some new tricks to keep in mind besides grounding to use when that occurs again? Does anyone else have this issue?