So here's the story..

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years, a little after our 2 year we found out I was pregnant. No big deal. But pregnancy made me hate sex!! I wanted nothing to do with it. However we still did have it occasionally. After baby was born, I got the IUD inserted at my 6 week check up I believe. Right around that time anyways. And of course it didn't help my sex drive either. It's now been 4 months since I've had it out, I still don't have much of a sex drive.

But I think the bigger issue is because I simply have hated having sex with my husband lately.

Now first before I get into the heavy stuff, I know by posting this on a public forum I'm in for any comments. But please keep an open mind to what you're about to say. My husband isn't a bad husband.

So anyways, in a general sense he treats me more like an object when it comes to sex. Like he doesn't rub on me, or kiss me sweetly, or anything to get me worked up to want it. He just goes straight for fingering me and grossly making out. And it hurts!! Physically and emotionally. It turns me off so much more.

So last night, like most nights, I wasn't in the mood. I've always been pretty stressed the past couple days, which he knows. So I didn't really want sex last night. He goes straight for the fingers and I kept pulling away and saying quit. He tells me "fine I'll just have to rape you" which hasn't been the first time he said this to me. And I've never expierence any past trauma for this to really affect me. However it does, because once again it's like I'm just an object.

Now I believe 100%rape is not ok. It shouldn't even be a joke. But I know he doesn't mean any actual harm to it. And I know by now if you're still reading this you're thinking I'm just making excuses for him. Or I'm just blind. But I'm not, trust me, my husband really isnt like that. I know he wouldn't ever actually rape anyone or takes that subject lightly either. I'm not sure why he even says that. I think hes just trying to be funny in a sense.

I just need advice on how to talk to him. I need to tell him that the way he's trying to turn me isn't working. That it makes it worse. But I don't want to hurt him. When we do have sex, it's great. So I don't want him to get the wrong idea. I just want him to actually love me during sex and not like I'm just a thing to have sex with. I want him to be passionate is what I'm saying I guess. Because I know he does love me so that's a poor way to explain it. I want him to take more time on me!