Is it normal to go weeks without masturbating but when you do you cry afterwards?

Comment what you think because I'm clueless with what's going on in my head. I'm a single mum and I've been single for nearly 3 years now and everytime I do masturbate I cry afterwards it's like I'm enjoying the moment then instantly after I'm at that realisation that it's just me alone in bed and that my previous relationship failed and its upsetting being on my own. So now I just go weeks without doing it. Nothing gets me in the mood now either.

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