This is probably so stupid and ridiculous compared to what other people are depressed over. But I can't help myself. My biggest #1 issue in my life since I've been little was my weight. Even of someone said I wasn't fat I still felt like I was. My sister used to call me a "fat cow" on a daily basis. Any time she would get mad at me she would yell that I was a stupid fat cow. So I guess I've had a complex for a while now. But I can't get over it no matter how hard I try. And back in 2016-17 I gained a whole bunch of weight and was almost at 200 pounds. And I haven't gotten far since then. 170. I need to be down to 130. But I feel like it'll never happen. And lately things in my relationship just bring me down. I love him and he loves me but we're stuck with his family and they're so far up his butt and mine that they're coming out of our mouths. It's seriously too much. All they do is complain and whine about things. There could be one singular fork in the sink that I would have never known was there and they get all mad that I didn't wash it before I went to sleep. And all I can sit here and think is "well I'm not the one who sleeps on the couch and gets up to eat all the peanut butter at 3 in the morning." But no. Everything is on me. I keep up with mine and my boyfriend's laundry. I keep up with the cooking. I keep up with the dishes. I keep up with all the chores. But literally I am not the only one who lives here. His parents just sit in their room and watch tv all day long. I am about to start work. My boyfriend goes to college. His brother doesn't do anything except sleep on the couch, eat, drive an hour away and expects everyone else to pay for his gas and his food. His other brother lives in a separate place on the same property but he doesn't do anything so he's fine. But it's so depressing because I can't leave when I want to. I can't do anything when I want to without being asked by his parents "where are you going?" "When will you be back?" "Are you going to cook dinner?" Or calling me every 20 minutes to ask where I am and what I'm doing. My boyfriend gets so mad that I get depressed over these things but I can't help it. I DON'T WANT TO BE DEPRESSED!!! CAN'T HE SEE THAT!!! I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT STOP!! Telling someone that they can control it doesn't help. I just wanna sleep all day everyday anymore. But I pretty much am not allowed to sleep past 6am. My entire life is dictated and all my decisions are made for me in my life. How does anyone not get depressed over that? No freedom. No privacy. No say. And I feel alone through it all. I just want to be done with life. I want to be free. I want to make my own decisions.......i want to be ok.....