I cried tonight for the first time after my miscarriage

What was a day of great excitement turned into a 3 week torment. On January 8th, I had my 1st ultrasound. 8w 3d along... no hearbeat, measuring at 6w 1d. Diagnosis: missed MC. Two days later I was given 2 day doses of Misoprostol. Aside from diarrhea and horrific stomach cramps (sorry, TMI), nothing happened and I mean - nothing. Fast forward to the 18th and d&c. All went well... two days later, fever of 102.0. Lucklily, no other symptoms so the fever subsided by the morning.

I am so tired, so discouraged. My body is displeased, clearly traumatized by the whole ordeal. In the past two weeks, I found out about 6 new pregnancies. Not 1, not 2... 6! And tonight as I was looking for some clothes, a bag fell out. A bag containing an onesie I bought for Valentine’s day pregnancy announcement. And I lost it. And I am not the one to lose it easily, I am trained to help people through their worst but at that very moment, I came undone. I am not sure I want to try again. I am 40, already have a child. I was so happy to have one with my husband who has none but now, I feel nothing but dread and hopelessness. My doctor said it was not my fault and I know that. The aftermath did me in.

Sorry for the long post, I am just so tired and discouraged.