So I will admit him and I started off poorly. I lied alot and hid a bunch of stuff from him such as who I was talking to and so on. He had a drug addict he hid from me pretty well.

Our relationship was based on sex for the most part. We got caught up in the moment and did alot of stuff together. We moved in with each other after 3 months of dating and it went well for a while. Lived together for 3 months and I left around 6 months.

We had alot of issues happen such as cars breaking down, me losing my job due to slow season, never having enough money because his drug addiction.. I never questioned why he wasn't bringing home 600 a week like he said he made. I just kinda assumed he lied about it to make me feel better 🤷‍♀️ we usually lived off 400-450 a week and spend close to 200 on weed for the both of us and then some on food and whatever else.. we usually had no money by the end of the week.

We started to fight alot towards the end. We found out I was pregnant October 22. It started to get physical. He never punched or hit me but he definitely threw things at me a few times.

After we split every time we saw each other it didn't end partially well. I always became annoyed with him for small things he'd say or do. The last time we saw each other he ended up going to jail..

Now I know all of that screams red flag run away now, but in the last month he's been clean despite being around his addictions. He started working out and losing weight. He started spending more time with his son and is now going to church. He started fighting as it's something he has always wanted to do. He's good at it too.

Since I left him he has done nothing but beg for me back.

I love him and i know he loves me as well and wants nothing more than a family with me. When we didn't fight we had a great relationship. We we're a ride or die type of deal..

I don't want to have anything to really do with my pregnancy or our son until I know 100% he has become a changed man. He knows this and is willing to comply.

My mom told me tonight that she would track my every move if I let him back into my life. That she would try to take my child away if I was to get back together with him.. I'm 20 and honestly feel like she's being ridiculous.. she only ever heard the bad in the relationship and while it was alot I don't believe It outweighed how well we worked together despite all the shit we went through. He always made sure ends meet even with his addiction. He'd go hungry so I would have food to eat. He would put off things he needed so I could have something. He provided for me when i wasn't able to. Even when I was able to he told me I wasn't allowed to spend my own money.. I don't want to get back with him for that reason. I want to be with him because even after all that I still love him and can see his progress. He knows that if he messes up again he loses me forever and our son on the way.

I'm not wanting to go back to him right this second. I want to become better friends and communicate better first. 1 month clean isn't much but it's impressive for him. I've made it very clear that he will need to be clean for the rest of his life if he wants me and I have to do the same. I've made it clear he will not meet our son until he is at least 6 months old and we won't live together for a few years. I don't want to jump right back into things. I want to do it the right way. The ay it should have been done.

Y'all half ass read this... Thanks 😒