Okay... VERY LONG but I really really need advice idk what to do and I’m literally shaken up!!! I’m at the end of my rope...

I’ve been through hell and back with my husband many many times. It seems like no matter how hard I try, he will not put effort into our marriage the way I do... I left everything I had for this man... I moved states and left my family and closest friends for him... dealt with his drug addiction twice and didn’t leave him (I think he’s using again this would be the third time)... reason why is because he’s lost A LOT of weight really quickly just like when he used and he’s constantly staying late at work. He’s a mechanic and there’s no reason why he’s at work until 9 at night or later, he also barely eats anymore and he’s constantly glued to his phone.... he refuses to take a drug test because he has “nothing to prove to anyone...” he even stopped sharing his location with me... I’ve dealt with his drinking problems several times and didn’t leave him...

I don’t know what to do at this point... recently I had a miscarriage and I am still grieving... now, he asks me if I want to have sex usually... tonight was very different... so tonight I got in bed and I was on the verge of falling asleep, I was even starting to snore a little when I felt his hand move from my stomach to my right hip to my genital area... my heart immediately stopped...!NOT ONLY THAT he did something like this maybe a year ago I woke up to him touching my breasts and my butt while I was asleep which really freaked me out and we had a serious discussion about that the following day!

Now a little back story, I was in a very controlling relationship in my teenage years that still affects me and my sexual relationship now HE IS AWARE OF THIS. He knows exactly what happened and he knows how I feel about certain stuff so there is no excuse for what he just did.... anyways,

I jumped up in bed and repeatedly asked him what he was doing... he kept saying “trying to get intimate wit you, I thought you were awake” I again kept asking him what he was doing because I wanted the words to come out of his mouth... his reasoning did not make any sense!!! Why did he not ask me if I was awake or if I was in the mood like he usually does?!?! I am currently on the couch I can’t sleep I have 5 hours to sleep before work and I’m mortified... I’ve been with him for 5.5 years been married 3 years this year...

I don’t know what to do... I love him very much and would do anything for him but he doesn’t seem to be invested into me as I am into him... I’m trying my best to trust him after all the shit he’s done but I cannot find the strength to do so... he knows I don’t trust him. Idk what to do I really need advice!!! Idk how to move on from what he just did!!

wooohooo!!! 🥰🥰🥰

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