Hey ladies!

Unfortunately, I fell into the .03% failure rate for the Paragard IUD. 3 years going strong, until I found out at a routine annual that it had slipped in my cervix. At 6 weeks, I could not believe what my gyno was telling me. *shrugs* “ it happens” she said. Almost as effective as getting your tubes tied they said...practically the best form of birth control besides celibacy they informed me..I never wanted children, I detest children.

I just graduated with 2 bachelors degrees and started a full time job 8 months ago. I literally met with a realtor and loan officer the weekend prior to start looking to buy my first home. This was not ever part of the plan. This was not ever part of my longer term significant others plan.

The nurses had danced around the news..never speaking a word at the ultra sound or blood work..they wanted my gyno to break the news.

“So what’s your birth plan?” I literally was screaming in my head WHAT THE FUCK LADY. After a good 10 second cry, I pulled myself together and said to her “please give me the number for how to make this not a thing, this is not an option..This is why I spent $1800 on birth control in the first place” (I do not have insurance)

She wrote down the information for planned parenthood and told me to schedule a follow up appointment next month to discuss new birth control options (as if I trusted her in that moment)

I paid the $590 fee for an ultra sound, blood work, and IUD removal, and was on my way. Once in my car, I called planned parenthood. The branch where I love was conveniently closed on Thursdays..I was on hold for over 2 hours before I decided to leave a message and pray they would call me back. I called my boyfriend before heading back into work.

I didn’t give him any options and I told him my plan..feeling very numb to the situation. My exact words on the phone to him were “My IUD failed, I am going to schedule and appointment tomorrow to take care of the problem” Awkward silence on the other line indicated he was just as shocked and surprised as I was that our trusted birth control method had failed us. He did not argue with me, he was not angry, he was not upset or sad, he was calm and respected my decision. Who knows if he had other intentions but he dare not say them..maybe I should have let him.

I could not sleep that night. My boyfriend bought me Dino egg oatmeal but I didn’t feel like eating. I finally took 8 melatonin to sleep, which only brought me lucid dreams and restless slumber. I woke up the next day at 5 am..got dressed, and waited to go to planned parenthood.

There I found they did not take walk ins (contrary to their website) and would not schedule me an appointment in person. The rude nurse handed me the liability form, which thankfully she did because it could not be found on their website, and informed me all appointments have to be made over the phone. She also was very encouraging by letting me know they were booked until the middle of February. This was 100% not an option.

After leaving in a panic, I called the number again. Hearing the hold music was giving me ptsd from the last encounter, as I sat there and let the idea that I was never going to get an appointment in time, settle in.

An actual ring tone came through as I leaped for joy that my patience had pulled through. The man also informed me there were no openings until late February, which he then informed me I would not be eligible for the pill abortion. Thinking I would literally drive to the ends of the earth to have an appointment at that very second, I asked if he could look for openings at the branch next closest to me..about a 3 hour drive away. He found one cancelation for the following Tuesday, I booked the appointment.

Hooray, 5 more days of being pregnant and disgusting. 5 more days of no sleep and feelings of shame, guilt, and awkwardness being around anybody. I silently thanked God I was fortunate enough to get an appointment so soon.

I informed my boyfriend of when and where the appointment was..he was willing to go with me. It was now a waiting game.

Fast forward to the day. I ran every scenario in my mind..what if they had lost my appointment, what if I was at the wrong branch, what if they double booked, what if the ultra sound was wrong and I am in fact longer than what is eligible for the pill? I was anxious we would be late, we were 45 minutes early. Protesters stood outside, with their pamphlets and signs..I wonder if they have ever changed anyone’s decision. Being a Christian woman..and having an almost mother in law who is a devout Catholic..still did not persuade my choice.

Finally, the doors opened at 8:50am and I gathered my belongings and approached the front desk. This branch was already much nicer and more friendly than the one back home..I felt comforted. I checked in, along with 4 other women behind me..and waited to be called. One by one they all went before me, as I couldn’t help but worry if I was forgotten again and was never going to get the help I needed. Finally I was called.

Wait.

Paid $620. Wait

Pee in a cup. Wait

Ultra sound. Wait. Watch as one of the girls comes back with a photo..looks at it, and decides she changed her mind.

Blood test and vitals. Wait

Weight and height. Wait

Counseling. Wait

Birth control plan. Wait

Called into a different office to be seen by the doctor. Wait

Finally - 5 hours later I got to speak with the man who had the power to change how the rest of my life would unfold.

He was so sweet, funny and kind. I felt at ease speaking with him. He made me feel like this was just a simple bump on the road in life. I explained to him about my IUD failure. How I was being responsible and I took every precaution to make sure this would not happen - hence the annual checkups to make sure my IUD was in place. He was shocked! He did not shrug and say “happens” like my gyno. He went through every situation as how this could have happened, and explained in detail why. He informed me my uterus is too small for the size of the paragard..and most likely slipped up where it would have more room. Unlike my gyno..who never measured the size of my cervix. He explained that other IUDs are smaller and would be a better fit for me..if I chose to go with another one.

He gave me the first pill, exactly 11:45. He asked me my work and home life, and we decided when it would be most comfortable for me to take the second dosages. He encouraged me to work the next day, and take the remaining in the evening after I got home from work. He did not stress time lines and wanted me to be in the safest place possible. I scheduled a follow up appointment at my home branch, the following Tuesday.

With my remaining dosage in tow, and prescription for level 3 grade Tylenol and nausea medicine, I reunited with my boyfriend and we headed back on the 3 hour drive home. We swung by my pharmacy and picked up my prescription..along with a sweet potato and what felt like the equivalent to adult diaper, jumbo maxi pads, and went to his house. He made me a baked sweet potato with nothing but salt and better - just how I like it, and I drifted into sleep.

I informed my boss and counterpart of my situation and they understood (having had them, themselves) and I was allowed to work from home that day.

I decided to take the second dosage exactly 26 hours later..I gave myself 2 extra hours of time for good measure. I watched bad TLC shows the entire morning, and wore the biggest undies I could find.

Finally at 1:45 I popped a Tylenol 3, and took the second dosage. Worried it would not dissolve correctly in my mouth and I fidgeted. It took about 30 minutes to dissolve, and I waited.

At 2:30 the cramps began to set in. I asked my boyfriend to come over around 3..so he could distract me from the pain. For about 4 hours, the cramps were what I could only imagine contractions to feel like. 10 seconds on, 10 seconds off...4 hours split up into 10 second increments. At 6 pm I got up to drain on the toilet..I heard a big splash as a large amount of tissue fell into the bowl. The cramps stopped.

Since then, I have been bleeding since..still in my adult diapers, and having worked a 35 hour weekend for a 3 day Indian wedding. (I am a marketing and venue management director for an event planning company, but I help work events when we are short staffed)

I had my follow up appointment yesterday (Tuesday) and everything was in the clear.

Post abortion I feel depressed and hopeless. I have no motivation for the things I was doing prior and I can’t seem to get out of this funk. When will I feel like myself again and how can I cope?

Also - any ladies who have had IUD failure..what do you do for birth control now? I initially went with the Paragard because it was hormone free..I want to try a hormonal IUD but I am terrified this will happen again. Some please help, advice???