So, I'm just going to start from the very start. Last may I broke up with this guy, we started talking again about 2 months ago. We have this great connection, we never run out of things to talk about and we always have really deep talks about ANYTHING, we never judge eachother and its all just really great when I am with him.

So soon after we first started talking again we had sex, I told him I didnt want to be "fuck friends" but that i was into the idea of maybe starting something more. He then told me that he has a date with this girl the next day. Anyway because we are really open about it all he told me about her and how it all went etc etc and of cause we end up as " friends with benefits", or however you want to call it. I knew from the start it wasn't a good idea but couldn't stop myself either....

We started seeing more and more of eachother, almost everyday, and we would talk all the time. After few weeks like this I told him that I couldnt keep on like this while he was seeing this other girl ( he was just getting to know her, no sex or kissing with her yet) I told him once again that I wanted more. He told me no, that he wanted to see where things were going with this new girl bla bla( even though he has been telling me he doesnt really like her yet and dont see an emotional conection with her yet, they have been on like 5 or 6 dates). I understand this because he has only been with me and one other girl before me, so i get the part of wanting to see whats out there, but if I was enough for him then that shouldnt really matter, should it? We talked about what to do about this, and got to the options:

1. Cut all contact ( none of us wanted that )

2. Keep being just friends ( I didnt think it would change how I felt)

3. Keeping on as we were, friends with benefits ( this obviously didnt suit me )

We tried for a while being just friends. One night we went out for drinks and we both got really drunk (nothing happend) and he was just acting strange with me, trying to take my hand, looking deeply into my eyes etc all very confussing. So at the end of the night I told him that i think it is best if we just don't see us anymore. Of cause he didnt belive me and thought i just said it coz i was drunk. Anyway, somehow i ended up with a T-shirt of his and I told him few days later that i wanted to meet to return his T-shirt because i didnt want to have any excuse to start meeting again in the future. Thats when he actually started to see that i was seriouse about this.

So we met, I gave him his T-shirt and he said to meet in few days to talk about all of this and I said no, told him that we had already talked about This and there isnt anything left to say, I know what i wsnt and he knows what he wants. He then said okay i guess that is it, he said bye and left. So now... I went to my car and just sat there like some idiot... I couldn't get myself to drive home or anywhere really, this had affected me more then i thoughy it would... After an hour sitting in my car i finally got myself together and drove home. I made it almost 48 h without talking to him but then I woke up with a text from him saying that this is harder for him then he thought it was gonna be, I told him the truth from my side aswell (why lie?), so i said it wasnt easy for me either we talked for abit about it and i agreed to meet him, he was being kind of a jerk about it so I said I will be at where we usually meet at this time if you come we can talk and if not nothing (a bit movie dramatic, i know). Guess what he didnt show.... i felt terrible and stupid after this and decided to delete his number from my phone. Of cause he noticed and started talking to me..

Anyway to kinda end this hella long story: we are talking abit now but I know I Probably should just end all contact with him and try to keep on with my life... but I can't get nyself to do it, it just seems lile such a waiste kinda (to explain it somehow), like we have such a great time together and I have never have had this kind of "relationship" with anyone before, i mean both friends kind of and more then friends kind of.

Now I just don't know what to do. I think it is hard for him also, but at the same time he doesnt want anything more with me sonI can't do anything about it.

I hope someone can give me some advice if anyone was able to understand my story somehow. I find it hard to explain.