Hi mamas! This is long. Just looking for some mom support and needed to get this out somewhere. I feel kind of awkward posting this but am really reaching for a boost from other new moms.

I’m finding the work/baby/life balance tiring and difficult, as I’m sure we all do. I am completing my PhD and defending my doctoral dissertation in April. Basically, I completed everything: data collection, analysis, write up- around 175 pages- while pregnant. My husband and I were fortunate to plan this pregnancy and have it work. This was a great time to start our family, with me finishing the PhD and before I begin a FT position at a university (I teach at the university I am completing the program at now, but it’s a stipend-based position until I graduate, not a FT professor renewing contract). I had a career prior to this, so I am in my 30s,and time is of the essence both biologically and career-wise.

Anyway, my advisor has had all of my writing except for the conclusion chapter since October. I gave birth Nov. 3. He looked at my writing the beginning of this month. He’s had it for 3 months. He’s a busy man- but he’s always busy. I now have 11 weeks until I have to defend. He’s been telling me all along that my work is great, minimal edits needed. When he finally looked at it, he is the type to go line-by-line, asking to have everything changed/questioning everything. He’s also swamped because several other candidates are pushing to finish this spring.

Finishing my doctorate has been a dream of mine for a long time, as has being a mother.

I feel overwhelmed and secluded, wondering how I am going to make this happen. I sequestered myself the entire pregnancy to get the first draft done. I worked every day hours and hours, making sure to have it as much in a done state as possible so I could focus solely on my son and preparing the defense.My assistantship ends in May. The advisor has been telling me it can happen and I’m on track to finish. Now, after all of his comments and asking me to rework my analysis twice, I feel inundated with the amount of work I think I need to do. In addition, I am also working, albeit from home- my department gave me online classes instead of on-campus to teach this semester. I realize I am extremely fortunate to be able to work from home with my son. But having a newborn, teaching 3 university classes, finishing a PhD, and doing all of the baby/house chores is a ton, especially while EBF which is time consuming and tiring in itself.

I’m not looking for help from anyone in my circle, because there’s not really anything they could do. My husband is extremely helpful; I get several hours a day while baby is napping or playing with my husband. It’s just hard to “turn it on” and write. I spent the last 2 weeks editing the chapter my advisor ripped apart, and he just ripped it apart again. Needless to say... he does not have children.

Anyway...I’m just extremely overwhelmed and looking for support. What we do is a lot. It’s a lot also to have a career you care about and have to put cerebral work towards, and then have the primal, physical piece of caring for and feeding a little baby. I feel pulled at two ends. And of course, I’d prefer to just be soaking up my sweet son every moment right now, and rest when I can. Which is why I got this whole draft done BEFORE he was born to begin with. I didn’t expect my advisor to be so nit-picky so close to the finish line. My husband said it’s the advisor’s job to be picky, and it’s not meant to be an easy breeze. I just feel so close to the end, this goal, and now the pushback and exhaustion is overwhelming. My advisor is the type to take months on something that is overdue because he hyper-obsesses over everything. I’m a perfectionist too, but I have done a quality job and am not creating the Mona Lisa.

He suggested pushing it back which I am NOT doing for a lot of reasons. I just want to take care of my son, make sure I do my job that I get paid for, but now feel extremely anxious at the little time I have to do what feels like moving a mountain. Any support is greatly appreciated, fellow moms 💓