I go back to work on Tuesday, January 29th. I have two more days left to be home with my baby. I hate having to leave him. I hate having to go back to work. I don’t want to put him in daycare. I don’t want to work full time. I don’t want to be a responsible adult. I just want to be a mom to my baby and not have someone else take care of him all day. I wish I could throw a temper tantrum and get my way. Instead I cry myself to sleep every night while my husband sleeps next to me. Everyone tells me it will be for the better. I’ll get used to it, or that I will enjoy it. The better option would be if I could stay home and raise my baby. The better option of me taking care of my mind by being there for my baby. My depressed and anxious mind hates this. I hate this, and I don’t use the word hate much. But I hate what I have to do. I wish things were different.