A few months ago I started going to therapy because I was really struggling to process everything after getting out of a relationship with a guy who would manipulate me and rape me, and then make me believe that that’s just how sex was supposed to be, and I believed him for a while because I was a virgin before him. I knew I didn’t like what he’d do to me, and I knew he knew that too, but I was really scared of him, and didn’t want to admit to myself that I was a victim of rape. Earlier in my therapy journey, I had acknowledged what happened and got to a really dark place where I was hurting myself all the time and almost tried to OD. I ended up resorting to pushing it down and pretending that everything had been normal, but after talking it all out with friends and my therapist, we’ve come to the conclusion that what happened was, indeed, rape. It’s still really hard to face, and even though I know that by definition, what happened to me was rape, and that I’ve had a ton of PTSD since then, it’s still hard for me to fully acknowledge it because that’s the only sexual experience I’ve had, so it’s hard to look at that experience and see all the wrong things that happened when I have nothing to compare it to, but I also know that he definitely knew that I didn’t want to do that, and he still did it anyway. I don’t want to dwell on it, but I also know that I won’t be able to get through it if I don’t fully acknowledge it first. If anyone who’s been through something similar can give me any tips on how to face it, please let me know. I know it’s not a simple issue and that everyone heals differently, but I also think it’s important to hear about things that have helped other people in similar circumstances, so any advice is appreciated.