Ok I don’t know where to start.

I have been with my partner for 5 years now. Some good years some bad.

We have a daughter together after a miscarriage back in 2015. She is 1.

My relationship is nothing but toxic and I know that! But I don’t know what to do, and I don’t have no one to speak to. I don’t have any friends and I have 4 family members I speak to.

Basically - he works 4 days a week, 6am until 3pm maybe 6pm depends.

After work he comes home to a spotless house where I’ve been cleaning all day, ( that’s all I ever do and feed and look after our daughter) I cook him food and run him a bath and get his clothes ready also. So we can eat together when he comes in( I haven’t ate all day)

I put a series I’ve been wanting to watch on ntelix so we can spend time together and all he does is go on his phone, then when he’s off his phone he falls asleep.

It’s like this every single day.

He takes my car to work, so me and my daughter are stuck in the house 24/7 every single day. ( there is a bus running from our home to his work but he don’t want to take that as it takes a long time to come home- maybe an extra half hour)

I suffer with depression and anxiety so going out in public scares me. ( walking) we also live on top of the mountain and I’m only 5ft I would struggle to push my daughter up . being in the house with just my daughter every single day and doing the same routine with No appreciation is so depressing. I don’t want to wake up most of the time because I’m sick of doing the same thing.

Basically- this week all I have done is clean, cook food, run baths, take care of my daughter, entertain her, bathe her, feed her change her, settle her. Laundry, put it away, and then do the same the next day. He then comes in from work, makes a mess and doesn’t clean up after himself, not even the littlest thing like wash the one plate he just used- goes on his phone the whole time or on his xbox, and then goes to sleep, doesn’t play with our daughter, just says “ daddy missed you”

Saturday we went out just the two of us, we haven’t done that in 12 months. I suggested it. I got ready so early because I was so excited to even leave the house, painted my nails, did my hair, shaved. Things I don’t normally do because what’s the point I’m not going anywhere. Started off ok.

We went on a ride and I was having fun and all he kept saying was “ this is rubbish, I just hurt my head” he’s so negative about everything.. so I thought ok let’s go on the coin machine..Then he got a ice cone drink, I had some of it first. We got to the car and he kept slurping the drink so I said can you stop doing that please that sound is gross and laughed about it. Then he says “ there’s no fkin juice left because you’ve drank it all!!!!!!” When there was loads he’s just drank it all himself. I only had a little bit.

Then I just ignored him because I was trying to just enjoy being out and not argue. So it’s changed the subject and I asked him to take a picture of us.

“ You take it I can’t... “aw ffs the keys have now fell ” - his keys fell down the side of the chair in the car.. like it was my fault. So after that everything he said I just ignored him I was sick of his attitude towards me, his negative attitude at this point. So he doesn’t like being ignored.. “ignoring me are you, that’s fine- perfectly fine” “looking for a argument again are you” I was so mad at this point but stayed quiet and cried the whole way to get our daughter because the one night I was looking forward to lasted half hour, I got ready for basically nothing, and now we’re getting our daughter so this night is over.

So he then speeds in my car, because he’s mad I’m ignoring him I then ask him to stop speeding he says no.

So we go pick up our daughter and instead of coming in with me and thanking my parents for having her for us. He stays in the car.

Fast forward to Saturday- he doesn’t speak to me all day, he stays in bed all day, I slept in for once, and he didn’t give our daughter brekafast ( just milk) and that was at 11am.

So then I go and make her lunch, while he stays in bed, clean up, and take care of her. Same routine.

I didn’t have food unTIL 8pm. I watched my series on my own down stairs.

Today- he has took my car after I’ve told him I need it. He took it to football, left our daughter in her cot without breakfast again, and goes to pick his friends up to take them also. And I’ve asked for it back and he’s me to fuck off.

Point is- I don’t feel like I’m being appreciated at all, being a stay at home mom is way harder than going to work. I cook for him, run him a bath, make sure the house is spotless, make sure our daughter is clean fed and changed , and happy. With neglecting my self.

I don’t eat because 1 I don’t have time, 2. I rather eat together with my fiancé when he comes in from work as a family.

he comes in makes a mess, goes in the bath, doesn’t want to spend time with me, goes on his xbox , has food or goes to sleep, or watches a film or series whilst being on his phone.

We haven’t had sex in 2 months. ( My sex drive since giving birth is low) he wanted sex the other night and I said I’m so tired and he says “ aw kk” and then goes to sleep. - he had all that energy to have sex but as soon as I put a film on we both like or a series he’s “going to sleep I have work”

He makes me feel shit 24/7 hes told me to fuck off, I’m a cunt, I’m ugly, short, and even to drop dead, and his attitude stinks.

It’s not because of work, he does nothing but stand around and tell others what to do.

And He’s only been working for 4 weeks.

Instead of going out as a family on the weekends I’m left to do what I do every week.

For him to go out to football, his mothers for hours ( in my car!!!!)

What should I do? I’m so sick of it. He doesn’t respect my car at all, it’s always muddy, the inside is dirty, he speeds in it, drives over speed bumps fast, he takes it when I’ve told him not to, because why should he use my car when he’s been nothing but horrible to me. Yet he still takes it, for months I’ve asked where my spare car key is and he’s said he don’t know. So last night I hid my car key for me to use my car today to go visit my grandmother, but he’s took the car because he’s had the spare all along!!!’

So me and my daughter have stayed in all week ( apart from the day we went out me and him, she doesn’t see no other children because I don’t have the car to take her to groups with my grandmother)

The house is mess as I haven’t cleaned, I have cried my self to sleep and he has seen that, he just laughs as he’s walking in the bedroom, and says grow up

I feel like I’m better off not being here as it’s much easier.

This all started because I drank to much of the ice cone drink. But problems have been there for a while, it’s just this is the problem now.

😭 help. Is it me????