I dont sleep very well, I never have. The cycle is always broke up into multiple parts where I wake up constantly and it takes forever to fall back asleep. HOWEVER, last night I slept. The whole night. No pills or artificial sleep agents. Just slept. And dreamt. I dreamt of missing my period. I dreamt of peeing on a pregnancy test and not being disappointed. I dreamt of trying so hard to keep this exciting secret until a specific date has passed (no sense getting everyones hope up yet). I dreamt the baby made it. I got to show everyone the tiny little 2 lines that suddenly just changed my life and made me the happiest person alive. I dreamt you were a boy (even though mom secretly wants a girl but i would love you 100% regardless). I dreamt you were healthy and so was I. Your dad loved you as much as I did.

And then I woke up. My stomach was flat (minus the being overweight part lol) and the gloom of a period wa so only 2 days away. You know you feel cramps, your acne is acting up, and your horomones seem to be swinging up and down. I cried silently next to my sleeping husband because it's been doo long since we've been trying for you baby, and I'm convinced my body will never be able to have you by now. I'll never get to hold you in my arms, rock you to sleep, cuddle you, help you with school, watch you make friends and grow. I'll never see you outside of my dreams. So when everyone complains I'm constantly laying down for a nap or going to bed outrageously earlier, it's because I'm trying to come see you. ❤