Hello all

If you remember me, Im the one who has been ttc #1 over 10 years in total. 1 emc Jan 2010 with ex who blamed me, cheated and gave away my pets. Multiple failed tries at Clomid, letrozole and 2 rounds <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> with husband. I also always write long posts for some reason, sorry...

Sigh... I feel like I’m done with it tbh.

I have so much other stress to deal with right now.

My mum lives with us as she’s elderly and physically disabled and in the process of divorcing from my stepfather, and I have to juggle work and helping look after her.

Work is a bear as well, seems like more and more crap upon crap with no gratitude, just criticisms and more and more expected of me since we’re so understaffed with x amount of people going sick and/ or resigning. I honestly am right 💁🏼‍♀️ there feeling like walking out myself!

My insomnia is as bad as it was while I was on the <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> meds as well (always had it mildly but they made it INSANE) and I feel like my husband and I have no time to spend together. This is just the tip of the iceberg!

All the money we saved towards our last <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> attempt abroad over the last year went to helping my mum as she broke her hip a few months ago and needed it replaced. I had to buy a car obviously as she needs to be driven to hospital appointments etc, also have to pay for all those associated costs. I just feel like it’s all on top of me and with all the expenses as they are atm, we’re never going to be able to save up 15k for private <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>! Literally £1 left from what we had saved in my ISA. I could cry!

But my husband, although I’m the more adult one, being the breadwinner and better at managing money and the household, is trying to help me, bless him - it just doesn’t make that much difference. I feel SO stressed and burned out but I don’t want to give up because I know he wants to be a dad and because what if I give up when that cycle could have been THE ONE if I HAD tried? - does that make sense?

Anyway... I just needed to vent a little. Had some strange symptoms this cycle not that I’m convinced anything is happening.

My PCOS causes anovulatory cycles which are pretty regular at cd32-36. IF, and that’s a massive IF I ovulate (eg with Clomid), always on CD20. Currently on 9DPO if I were to have O’d on CD20 (today is CD29) and had something I’ve never had before.

1dpo and 2dpo I had very light brown spotting which went away as quickly as it came. Still currently clear-to-white/ lotiony but wet. We DTD every other day cd16, cd18, cd20, cd22. We did it on other days too but I didn’t log those.

I usually always need lube - I never get wet CM or EWCM, TMI, sorry but this cycle I decided what the hell, I saw some pre-seed on offer so bought it and have used it around cd18-22 this time.

I keep getting that slight “gushy” feeling - you know when AF has literally just started and you wipe - there she is.

That’s what always happens to me anyway. She always just starts all of a sudden... but for the past 4 days I’ve had the gushy feeling now and then and when I check/ wipe, it’s still clear. Boobs are heavy too but that happens a week or so before AF for me anyway too.

Obviously I am way to early to POAS but what do you think of those symptoms? I’ve never had them before as I said so I’m curious (not hopeful, but curious).