So this might be long. I apologize .

I literally don’t know what to do anymore. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me . But we’ve been avoiding each other more than not lately, I feel. We’ve been together for 5.5ish years .

We both suffer from anxiety/depression so that doesn’t help anything . He gets easily annoyed (not at me) about things that are so silly. If something goes wrong, it’s like the end of the world for him. If we’re following a slow person, he screams about how “this always happens to me and no one else has to deal with this kind of stuff” or if the internet goes out.. or whatever “these bad things only happen to me.” Yes, all that stuff is annoying to me too, but I don’t get overly angry about them. Anyways, it’s gets annoying after awhile . The “why me? “ all the time .

On top of that, we have toilets leaking and bursted pipes at are our rental property. He doesn’t want to bother the landlord and wants to just fix everything hisself . The problem is , he doesn’t fix anything in a timely fashion . Some of it is laziness but some of it is depression and not feeling up to doing anything (I know the feeling ). I try to be understanding but again, it’s getting annoying when Our stuff needs to be fixed and if you’re not up to doing it, then call the F’in landlord.

Then there’s the issue of our dogs . I had two coming into the relationship . We found/rescued one together. My oldest/littlest dog is, and has always been, attached at my hip. He has separation anxiety too. He’s my baby . We’ve been through so much together in his 11 years of his life. Anyways , the dogs aren’t bad. But he can’t stand barking, he can’t stand licking. I feel like he literally just can’t stand them most of the time period. He says they “don’t act like dogs”. And “i don’t discipline them “. I’m not going to discipline them when they are , in fact, acting like dogs”. Yes, they would get disciplined for things like getting into the trash or purposely peeing in the house (which none of them have done either of those in years) . It’s just obnoxious when he literally thinks they are the worst dogs in the world. I think he’s jealous of them. He has said I treat them better than him. My only response, in my head, is that they have never disappointed me like he has.

Also, he goes through his spurts of thinking I am cheating. I have never cheated. Just last night , I was watching the documentary ,”American circumcision” and instead of asking me why I’m watching , he said,” so is the new guy you’re seeing uncircumcised, is that why you’re watching this?” He kind of said it in a joking manner but i know it was somewhat serious .I also believe this comes down to depression and feeling insecure . He’s terrible about getting his meds .. he’s trying a more natural route that he’s researched.

We haven’t had sex in awhile. I’m not the type to ever initiate (unless I’m drinking) and I never have been. I rarely say no when he asks. But he mentioned that recently too that we hadn’t in awhile.

Anyways, I am in no way in harm of anything . He’s never been aggressive towards me really. The dogs aren’t in harms way either , he would never hurt them. He has hit them, as have I when they needed a little smack. I do feel like his hits aren’t always necessary when they are doing “dog things” that he doesn’t like.

I guess back to the dogs haha. He didn’t grow up with dogs, I did. I don’t think he understand the bond one can have with their pet. He doesn’t have the love for them that I do .

Last thing I think. He tells me he loves me all the time (aside from our recent drifting) and that I’m the most beautiful girl and all that . But when it comes to being able to depend on him, I don’t feel like I can all the time .. like with the not getting things fixed that need to be fixed .

I’m not perfect and he feels like his feelings are invalid with me. At this point, I don’t know if I’m just done and resentful and there’s no going back . Or if these are things that can be fixed . I’ve talked to him about not feeling like I can depend on him, multiple times.

Our arguments get nowhere and he usually leaves and we don’t talk much for a couple days.

There’s so much more I could tell but I don’t even know. I have a terrible memory and can’t even think . This is already a novel .

Also, we moved 6 hours from my family for work . I talk to my mom and sister some but not about everything and I don’t talk to me friends about it. I don’t know why. I mean, I feel like moving 6 hours away from everything/everyone I know, I don’t have the support I once had .. which is probably just my own anxiety and my friends would be more Than happy to help . Ugh .