We met online.

We chatted about everything and had so much in common.

Even our sexual preferences were compatible.

Our conversations were fun, sexy, and interesting.

After a week or two, we decided to meet. It was hard to find a perfect time. We lived hours from each other, and we both had life obligations, but we decided to meet at a restaurant.

It was magical. We connected instantly and our date turned into wandering around the town just so we could hang out and extend our night. Even physically we were drawn to each other, his dimpled smile made my stomach flip.

Then our lips touched in an amazing first kiss that, even now, makes my entire body melt.

But life was against us.

I had just gotten out of a long term, abusive relationship. I was drowning in pain.

He had his own issues that made commitment hard for him. Then there was the distance, limited time, and so much more.

We decided that we would keep things casual. Whatever that meant.

Over the next few months, we committed to meeting half way about once a week. Sometimes we talked between then, sometimes life got busy.

Sometimes we went to dinner, but every time we ended up in bed. He spent his money on me, and treated me pretty decent.

But like all relationships

Things got messy.

We’d have a disagreement, and I’d pull back.

He’d respond by trying to make a commitment to me.

Yet the only commitment he wouldn’t make was the one that mattered most.

A commitment of feelings, exclusivity, and a future.

The moment when you say, I am yours and you are mine. I want you.

In his own way, he tried to make me happy.

He gave me money when I struggled.

He surprised me when I was sad.

He began to open up to me little by little.

Some people show love with time, words, gifts, whatever.

I learned that he showed that he cared in a strange way. With money.

Eventually my heart was breaking, I was falling in love. He wanted the relationship but didn’t want to deal with the baggage that came with it. He was a good guy. He never yelled, never ignored, never pressured me. He never treated me wrong, except referring to our relationship as a situation. He was emotionally distant, but looking back, I held him back with one arm. I was afraid of getting too close and getting hurt.

I told him we could stop this half way dating and be friends or we could occasionally hook up and not be friends which left my heart open to others.

He couldn’t decide. Days and days passed and he said he couldn’t make a decision.

So he did what he did best. He threw money at the situation and offered to help me achieve my life long dream.

This man, who wouldn’t commit to me, offered me my career dreams on a silver platter.

But accepting his offer meant we’d be in each others lives for a long time.

No..I had wanted to be his girlfriend. Instead he was making me his business partner.

Life is messed up. No relationship is perfect. My story may not have a happy ending for now, but I have hoped that one day I will find true love. Maybe it will be with him. Maybe it won’t. But he taught me a lot about it.