Long rant, apologies ❤️

I lost my virginity around November 2017. I was in a relationship with a guy for about 9-10 months, meeting him when I'd first started college. It ended up that we could not have sex for a while, I had never really had ANYTHING up there, I didn't wear tampons, didn't masturbate through penetration, etc. So, he was patient and nice and worked with me till I got to a point where penetration did not hurt. However, there was another problem. I wasn't necessarily achieving orgasm from it. I figured it was just that most women require clitoral stimulation paired with it.

We had met at college and lived in different states during the summer, so I had a breather from him for a while. After a bit, I started to process through my mind a lot of the things that just didn't work for me. He was completely unwilling to put effort into sexting, whereas I was. Same with exercise, too. Not that I would pressure anyone to do so, I just personally believe that exercise is a fun hobby that I would love to share with my SO. The issues kept piling up, and I realized that the main reason I was with him was because he was generally nice and I liked the physical contact and reassurance during tough and stressful times. I thought to myself, "After college, it's likely that we might not end up in similar places for work, or whatever comes next. And I will in no way be willing to move or budge for my career." Not for him, at least. So, instead of just limping along in the relationship, I decided to break up with him over a voice call. It was the best I could do at the time, I would have rather done that than lead him on for the next two months. And this way, he would have time to heal before school started.

Over the summer, a bit before the breakup, I met a guy online and was friends with him for a long while. We ended up hitting it off. I was personally never interested in long distance, but it just seemed like I HAD to. I was fine with the distance (over 12 hour drive) and I experienced something that I never quite thought I would. We had been friends for about 5 months before we decided to be in a relationship, and when we did he told me he loved me. And I didn't feel uncomfortable saying it back.

We met during winter break of this year, early January. I was ecstatic to meet him in person. I had taken every precaution, brought my friends with me, looked up his high school, etc. He's real and genuine (and quite frankly gorgeous). We had clicked so well online with our personalities and interests, and we ended up clicking in bed too. He was a virgin, and that was fine. I'm a very kinky person, and so is he, so I handled him very gently and patiently. And when we did end up having sex, I came in five minutes. Five. From penetration alone. Holy shit. I didn't even think it was possible, but from what I can gather, I do truly love this guy. We're both sort of scrawny and athletic (though we're both working to achieve muscle growth!) and have equal amounts of energy in bed (we are both switches).

So now, I am more than certain I want to work for this. I'm not going to drop him for an easier, in person relationship, which would not be hard to achieve since my college is a majority male. I love this guy. And I mean it and it doesn't feel weird to say it. This is the first time I've ever acted purely out of emotion and I am not going to give this up.

Thank you for reading, if you made it this far ❤️ have a wonderful day