I am an emotional mess. Our first loss, and my very first pregnancy, was devastating. I was pregnant again in just a couple of months with incessant bleeding, which led with another loss that I never processed, as I was still depressed from my first one, and never even cried as I think I was in a kind of shock.

My husband has 2 kids and I've noticed I'm starting to get more and more resentful with every period and every weekend we share with his kids... not towards anyone in particular.. just out of jealousy that I get to watch him be an incredible father to his kids.. and I have to sit from the 'robbed of being a mother' sidelines. We have been ttc for a few months and I fall further and further into depression and have been dreading the anniversary of reminders that I have lost two babies and the thought of what our future lives could have been... no.. should have been.

We also lost my husband's grandmother this morning, and my cousin last night. I have been in tears all day, and an emotional mess, and with suspected ovulation tomorrow, I am finding it incredibly difficult to keep positive and I just want to give up and surrender my hope of ever feeling complete and equivocally happy again.

He is annoyingly positive and... well, I'm not, so I don't talk to him as openly as I should and I feel alone in all of my feelings.

I'm just always so appreciative of the Glow ladies and hoping I can reach out for some comforting thoughts and some hope to keep fighting for what I want. Here's a wedding picture of the man of my dreams, hopefully the father of my child, and the one for whom my heart beats. ♡♡