Really sorry for the long post, I hope you guys can bare with me. :/

My workplace is going through a branding change and merging with a larger company, as a result we are all required to go through training for it.

I work for a very large company, well over 20,000 of us, but I only know the ones that I work closely with at my location.

I have always struggled with anxiety and have had panic attacks at work before, and the once who I work with generally understand and know how to handle it.

When it happens I freeze up, I can’t speak, my chest gets tight and painful and my head feels like it’s burning.

I had mentioned to a couple of them today I didn’t think I could handle this training with a large group, probably 50 people where I only knew 3 of them, but they said it’s mandatory so I went against my better judgement.

After being put on the spot for something I had a full panic attack, I couldn’t say anything even though I tried but the words wouldn’t come out. I didn’t make a scene I just sat there silent. People were looking at me weird and some were making comments like ‘what’s wrong with her’ and ‘why isn’t she saying anything’.

The class leader kept trying to get me to say something but when she figured out I wasn’t able to talk she just moved on but I could still hear whispers from the people behind me.

As soon as it was over I bolted out the door and broke down in my car. I’m off tomorrow but I’m scared to go back in a couple days.

My location is fairly small and people talk a lot there, I’m sure everyone has heard about it by now.

I’m 18 and I’ve been working there for almost 2 years, I just don’t want these guys thinking bad of me I really love what I do and the people I work with but I don’t understand why they acted like that. It felt like being back in middle school.

I have been through treatment for my anxiety, I’ve tried everything and nothing works. I know it’s anxiety is a disorder but they made me feel like I was crazy or like having anxiety at all is a forbidden thing a terrible thing not allowed or like I’m a bad person

I just don’t know how to handle this.

Advice is appreciated, no harshness please I’ve had enough of that for one day.

Thank you for reading