Trigger warning....TMI outlet

I have an older brother who mom gave up for adoption because she was young. Fast forward 14 years when I was 10 I found out about him. For 3 years I imagined what my older brother would be like I imagined him as super amazing and protective and a best friend. Thanksgiving a few months before I turned 13 he contacted us. His first thing he ever said to me was “hey sis” as I read that message on MySpace in had tears instantly pouring down my face because I was so happy. 2 months later he moved in with us. At this time he was 17? Maybe 18? Anyway we because inseparable, the best friends I hoped we would be. But little by little things began happening.... and one night we started drinking and I had never drank before but he kept letting me drink and drink and drink.... I was blacked out... I woke up to him raping me... but passed out again. The next day was a fog and a week later he got busted for drugs and armed robery... I never told anyone because I hoped it was a bad dream.... when he got out of jail 8 months later he made a sly comment about “having a round 2” that’s when it hit me.... I flat said hell no and things where neverthe same because I was afraid of him. Now it’s been a decade .... he has been dead to me since and I still feel like a victim and betrayed... I just wanted to be protected by an older brother... instead my trust was taken advantage of by a demented man... I’m still broken, I’m still hurt and it’s too late for justice. And I always have a strong heart yet I still want him to apologize... I have to protect my family now though. My younger siblings and my daughter most of all.... I just wish that he will grow up not knowing the betrayal I felt.....