Hi guys,

So my fiancé recently proposed (as of like two months ago) and all was happy and well. Shoulda known the storm was coming.

Then my best guy friend came back (he had disappeared due to depression for several months where he refused multiple attempts for me to reach out) and he’s ALSO proposed to me knowing I’m engaged.

Now before you all assume he’s some asshole, I had in the past before I met my fiancé considered him as a romantic perspective, but timing just never worked. And now he’s decided he’s deeply in love with me and he made a mistake.

At first I didn’t take him seriously because he’s known for pranks, and I’m not a woman typically sought by one man let alone two. But it’s been two months, and there hasn’t been a day where he hasn’t called me, offered help, and so on.

My fiancé is obviously a lovely man, but his military career means I never see him, and indeed, I haven’t had sex ever with him since he’s long distance. He’s unable to buy me things, have time for calls, or get leave very often since he’s in a medical program with the military and also supports his mother. On the other hand, I have my best guy friend who is not as wholesome and sweet as my fiancé, comes from a lower job, but is nearby and constantly supportive.

I feel very torn and horrible about myself, and I’m sure I’ll get judged for that. I’m very young to be engaged (but more than legal) and the wedding isn’t for quite sometime. My fiancé still gives me butterflies, but my best friend feels like a comfy sweatshirt. I don’t know if I’m torn simply because I’m dick-starved, or because of something else. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but the stress is getting to me. My fiancé doesn’t address the issue when I bring it up and just comforts me as best he can without actually saying anything about the issue. My best friend supports the relationship verbally but is watching and waiting for it to fail. Is there any guidance or anything you guys can give me.

Update.———

Thanks to all who have commented so quickly! I’m new to this site and didn’t expect such quick replies.

To the person who said I’ve emotionally cheated: that’s your opinion, I never said I was in love with my friend. I never said I wanted to even have sex with him. In fact, I flatly sent both those things. When I say I’m torn, I mean I’m unsure if the temptation he represents is because he’s closer or because he’s a better person (based on the stereotype that I was raised on that whoever pays attention to you should be your man). Obviously, as you and several others have noted, he is not so much of a friend as I supposed.

I followed someone’s advice and made a list of pros and cons for both men, and also for being single or married at this age. I will be staying with my fiancé, and he and I will work on the lack of contact as best we can.

Thank you for your advice!