I don't really know why I'm posting, maybe it's to just get this off my chest since I've been hiding how depressed I am. So here it goes..

Yesterday morning I was informed by someone that my friend/ex had passed away from a drug overdose. I didn't think to much into it bc they said it was just hear say. I kept looking online at the news and nothing all day. I ran a bath at night time and my mind was racing. It just didn't seem right, it didn't feel like he was gone. I reached out and no response, but I played it off as that's normal for him bc sometimes it takes him forever. Until this morning as soon as I got up I checked the news again and there it was.. It was true. My friend of so many years was gone for good this time.. *he's overdosed several times before. But this time was it.. I feel guilty as I didn't do enough to help him. He lived his life as he was the happiest person but why was i so dumb to believe that when obviously there had to be bigger problems. I keep going back and reading the news clip over and over again.. I can't accept the fact I'll no longer see him, I'll no longer be able to talk to him. If I could take back all our petty fights, I would. If I could hug you one more time and tell you that I appreciated you for all the times you were there, I would. I'm sorry I failed you and I'm sorry for all the pain you must of been going through. I miss you so much already. Rip Tj ♡ Fly high