Im gonna start this by saying im a bad bitch. I may be a sensitive crybaby but I can be sexy and confident... when im not so in my own head.

My boyfriend and I are in an LDR. I got back from a visit earlier this month. We had sex, we cuddled, we went on dates, great chemistry, I love this man. Before we actually met up I was so damn flirty. I sent somewhat lewd pictures because I wanted his attention.. well, a little more attention. A different kind of attention. He was already such a great friend and gave me the attention I craved but a girl has needs yo.

We were together officially. I was a sexting pro, sexy nudes I was owning my shit because I loved making him weak. Its easy when you're just a body on one side of a screen. Months pass and we finally meet in person. Best day of my life.

Im SUPER insecure about my body and flinched a lot when he would touch me because I just felt so disgusting. Trust me, I quickly got over that and ya girl learned something that day, Sex is good.

I dont get the same satisfaction from sexting, I dont feel sexy alone. Maybe its the depression from being apart from him now but I HATE my body. He brought it up to me the other night about how I dont flirt with him how I used to or I never suprise him with a naughty picture at work. He wasnt like, demanding it, its MY body, but I still felt.. bad. I told him im not very comfortable in my skin lately and im insecure. He told me he misses me and my touch, that he loves me and my body and says im perfect and beautiful but I still feel bad. I love making him happy, I love showing him love in that way I just wish I loved myself a little more.

I guess the reality of being with someone and being vulnerable with them made me a little more insecure? Like I said, it was easy when I was just an idea.. plus ive been in situations where all I was used for was nudes or dirty talk. I was used to being a game. When I was with him I felt genuinely loved for the first time in a long time. Now when I think about me and my body part of me thinks about being used, part of me feels insecure and I just dont know anymore this is all over the place.

I just want to feel sexy and good again. I want to spoil my man I want to stop being so stunted. Any advice? I dont know what I wanted from this. Maybe just to vent.