This little guy was our last baby! I’m 37 and feeling like my body doesn’t want to be pregnant again. 😆

So I nervously prepared for having my 3rd baby boy. My first was an unexpected c-section, my second was a natural birth that resulted in a very long recovery time, so I was nervous this birth would be not only hard, but I’d be stuck regretting whatever choice I made birth wise.

The story started to shape up that way. I had gestational diabetes and at 40 weeks and 2 days they felt my blood sugar had made it to the point we needed to induce. I never had to do it before and had heard horror stories. I was thinking of doing an elective c-section.

Ultimately we stuck with pitocin and I determined to change my heart on this. I wrote cards in brush lettering with verses and sayings like “my son has a calling on his life.” As soon as they put the IV I turned up my playlist which had a lot of worship music, but a favorite was Lauren Daigle’s “Rescue”. We walked the halls several times and at 1pm I felt like things were actually starting. My stomach was hardening and I wasn’t able to talk or walk.

We transitioned to me sitting on a ball leaned on the bed and my husband pushing on my back during the contractions. Something happened to me then, something that hadn’t in the other births. I completely let go and just was present. I sang during the breaks between contractions, something that I wished I could’ve done before and was never focused enough I suppose for good reason. But now I got to have this peaceful, quiet labor!

I don’t know how to fully express it, but Matt and I had a very hard year, hard year with each other, hard year in our ministry, and this little guy we felt like was a symbol of a new start. So to pray and worship felt like the spiritual birth I had hoped for and it was so incredibly sweet to me.

We decided to transition to the tub and that is when the contractions were intense! I started feeling like I couldn’t do it. The midwife decided to check me and reluctantly asked if I wanted to hear the number. At that point I said weakly yes anticipating a small number since it hadn’t been that long. 8 cm!!! 8!! No wonder I felt like an animal a bit just focused on myself and the baby. I asked for an epidural, sort of whimpering realizing that I wasn’t so sure anymore I wanted to go natural. My last birth, the last section was the longest, so I instantly felt tired. The midwife asked if I wanted to wait 10 minutes before calling in for the epidural. I said yes, but I looked my husband in the eye and with way too much vulnerability than I’m used to I said, “I don’t want to do this.” I whispered it sort of afraid they’d hear me and think I was ridiculous to say this thing that wasn’t close to possible anyway.

Matt, mr even keeled, this time had some tears in his eyes, “Jen, I know you. I know that you can and you will.”

They decided that I sounded pushy and needed to move to the bed and oh man, I can’t tell you how much I didn’t want to move:

We got there, Matt had to just hold me at one point since I couldn’t quite stand on my own, I could hear him praying under his breath. That sent calm and got my to the bed.

Pushing didn’t take long at all and seriously 3 hours later (from the start of the first feeling of contraction to pushing), Cedar was here. I tore just a tiny bit and I healed crazy well! I had no idea it could go that easily compared to my other births.

This little guy is my joy, his smiles at 3 months old are exactly what I need. Moral of the story, every birth can be completely different! Every healing process can be different. You didn’t do it the “right” or “wrong” way, you had the baby the way that baby needed to be born. And each little one is entirely worth the effort. :) Good luck mamas and congrats to those that have had their little ones in your arms for awhile!