Ever since I knew I wanted kids I looked forward to a natural vaginal birth. I looked forward to the pain, to the crying, to every contraction, to feeling that ring of fire (a lot of women talk about), to everything that came with a vaginal birth. I knew I wanted a water birth. I did so much research on it. We got lucky to live in an area with a birth center that did water births. Everything was planned we were going to finally have our baby and get to do a water birth. Just kidding, I labored until 9.5 centimeters and then got stuck. I was loving everything about this process my contractions hurt but they were not that bad. Once we started to stall they got worse. I couldnt take them and we ended up transferring for an epidural. Turns out my baby had moved his head into a position that is birthable but only with complications (possibly death). He was face and brow presentation and to far down to be pushed back up. That is also why the contractions had gotten worse. They had gotten stronger to try to dislodge this tiny baby. He was only 6lbs 8oz when he was born at almost 42 weeks. We ended in a csection. I could barely stay awake for it I was so tired. I cried immedietly to finding out what was needed. I feel as if I've been cheated. I know I can have a possible vbac next time. I didnt get to hold my baby right away because he had to go to the niccu because he had himself stunned from the position. It was six hours later I got to see and hold him. I cant think of a csection without crying. I dont regret doing it because it saved my baby but I still feel hurt and I have no one to talk to (husbands military, so no family here and just recently moved here so no friends here). I just want to know this will pass. I feel bad talking to my husband about it anymore because hes heard me say it like 100 times.

Here is Ryker at 2 weeks old though and he can't be more precious😍