Just some feelings 🙃

On social media we get to pick and choose what people see. Nobody really knows what your going through unless you decide to show them. Sometimes talking publicly about your feelings helps, in my case it does.

I was in the hospital for what I thought was appendicitis January 7th -10th in and out of different hospitals and so on. On the 10th I found out there was a possibility I was pregnant my levels were low but I was told it could still be early. I went back to the hospital on the 12th to recheck my levels to see if they had double and they did. So we went on to set up an appointment with my OBGYN to make sure that it wasn’t ectopic and that it wasn’t the source of my pain. I had kept my hopes high but expectations low. I had doubts I thought I was going to miscarry once again. But I kept telling my self MOST PEOPLE go on to have healthy pregnancies after their first miscarriage. MOST PEOPLE don’t have back to back miscarriages. SOME PEOPLE do indeed have multiple miscarriages. SOME PEOPLE don’t have healthy pregnancies after their first loss. With that in mind I gave my hopes up. I had an appointment for the 15th and at around 2:00 that morning my nightmare had begun. Everything I hoped that wouldn’t happen did. I cried up until my doctors appointment. I waited in the waiting room with all of the pregnant mothers anxious to see their doctor in their last weeks of pregnancy, the happy couples who were halfway through their pregnancy, and the ones who had just found out and were absolutely glowing. Then there’s Chris and I. Trying to fight back the tears, trying not to envy those who can carry a child, trying not to be bitter. Then we finally get back and see my doctor and the usual blood draws and the waiting on the news. I knew in my gut that was it. I received the notification my results were back and it was indeed what I thought. I’ve been taking the past couple of weeks to try and heal mentally and keep to myself but talking about it helps so much more. Miscarriage isn’t something anyone wants to talk about but it happens. It happens to more women then you think but yet we’re supposed to hide those feelings and keep to ourself. But here’s my story ❤️