BACK STORY: There’s this guy I REALLY REALLY like... ok, I’ve pretty much fallen for him lol. We flirt all the time... even say dirty things to each other. I pretty sure he likes me too... but I’ve never really asked him. Anyway, I wrote this tonight. I’m not sure if I should someday send it to him or read it to him or write it to him in a letter... I wanted to share to gain insight. Both of us are divorced. Both our spouses cheated on us. Both of us have kids. The chemistry is obviously there!!! I feel it.. but I’m so scared to put myself out there you know? Anyway... here’s my letter:

You’ve mentioned this wall that you hide behind. A wall that was built as a result of the hurt of betrayal from your past. You continued to reinforce it with anger and resentment. You trapped yourself behind this wall in hopes that no one would ever get close enough to hurt you again. Your heart was shattered into a million pieces.

You surrounded yourself with activities and things that give great pleasure: weights, work, goals, ambitions... but no one to share it with. No one to share your deepest thoughts, greatest fears, and best memories. No one to create new memories with.

I come to you as I am. Once broken, healed, yet the scars remain. I come to you offering nothing more than my heart: my most valued possession. Holding it out in hopes that you will see that I’m not here to hurt you.

I’ve come ready with the tools necessary to tear down your walls... if you let me. I have known the pain you’ve gone through. I will not put you through that again. I will not betray you. I will not abandon you. I will not leave you. I want to build with you: build something beautiful together. Something you and I have always dreamed of... something so wonderful that it seemed almost impossible. And what I’m talking about isn’t something temporary. My aim is something permanent... if you so desire.

I won’t sit here and deny you the truth: I feel a strong bond between us. I feel the strongest chemistry with you that I have ever felt with anyone. This isn’t some ‘rebound’ crush. This isn’t infatuation. This is a soul pulling feeling that I could no longer continue to ignore. A part of me feels like the stars themselves aligned for us to meet. Honestly, I wish we would have met sooner before the pain and heartache. Yet, they have made us who we are. And I dig who you are: all of you, even the broken parts.

I’m not attracted to you because you have broken pieces. I’m not purposefully looking for a ‘fixer upper’ or someone who ‘needs me’. I’m attracted to you for your core: who you are. I feel it in my soul. The thought of you makes me smile. Seeing you makes my heart skip a beat. I’m feeling YOU so much that you’ve entered my dream world: one I hate waking up from.

But it’s just that: a dream world. And although I’m risking everything by telling you exactly how I feel I can’t continue to keep it a secret. The more I learn about you, the more you share with me, the more time I spend with you, text you... I find myself falling for you.

I tried to stop it at first... but I can’t ignore the connection I feel with you. I can’t help but think that if given the opportunity we can make something beautiful together. All I want is to know if you feel the same way.. and maybe we can go on a first date.