Sexy whale 🐋

I’m 30+6 weeks pregnant. I feel huge. I have .1% sex life which basically consists of my husband behind me long enough for him to get off. I have vulvar varicosities and they can get horrendously fully of blood causing them to bulge. Because of that, I don’t want him touching me down there. It’s embarrassing and I don’t even want him to k ow I have it. I made it through my last pregnancy without him discovering them. I can’t get genuinely turned on because of that, I get super annoyed if he touches my nipples. This giant belly makes it hard and uncomfortable to do any position other than him behind me. If I were to get on him I’d be awkward, uncomfortable and feel like a boulder. The belly is even in the way to give him head. I want to have sex, I dream about sex but I don’t feel like doing it. He’s also not smooth about initiating it and that irritates me. Last night we had a moment where he expected me to be able to maneuver “normally” and I kind of broke down because I CAN’T DO IT! I just cannot so the things I could a few months ago. He doesn’t get it and he doesn’t get how it makes me feel when I am put on the spot feeling like a 🐋! So I grabbed my pjs, went to the bathroom and cried. Then I got dressed, took my vitamins and laid down in bed. Not a word was said between either of us. I feel like a basket case. I want to have sex with him, I want him to be able to enjoy sex. He had a vasectomy in Nov. and we need to get those swimmers emptied out before I deliver because I’m not carrying a 5th child. It’s so frustrating. I don’t feel sexy at all and I have a lot of weight to lose after this baby comes. 9 weeks to go.