I was involved with this guy for a year. We weren’t together but I played my part into the reason we weren’t. My senior year I lost my virginity to someone elses boyfriend. I didn’t value relationships. I watched my friends get cheated on time after time, and it put a bad taste in my mouth. I wasn’t ready to settle when I met dude. First off it was rumors going around about him and this other girl. He claimed they weren’t true but idk if they were or not now. It all doesn’t matter. Me messing with other guys tho, and not just him hurt him tho. I was talking to him for 2 months and Jan 1st 2018 was the first time I had sex with him. We argued a lot after that because a lot of girls wanted him and he couldn’t see that. I look back now and the only reason I was upset was because I was guilty. I ended up getting grounded because I stayed out till 3:30 am one night and he was happy. He said atleast he knows I’m bot fucking with anyone else. Me and him would argue and fuck for awhile and as soon as he stopped wanting me the more I wanted him. When I stopped wanting him he wanted me. He told me one time that it hurts him that he can’t properly do anything with me because he wanted so much more with me. Now he has a new girl and I’m hurt and I seem to building this hatred for him because I’m hurt. I need some sort if closure but if I talk to him i’ll hurt him. I’m angry. I deleted my ig because she would comment under his post and say she’ll give him the world and I’d cry. I don’t want to hurt him and this is is my fault. My best friend always said I had a lot of love for this boy and she could tell by the way I looked at him. He motivated me to stop dealing with the guy who took me virginity, and I did. I’m lost of words that’s how hurt I am.