This irks me and I’m not sure why. I’ve just always loved the idea of having a protective boyfriend. Asking if I’m okay, offer me rides in the winter to class cause it’s below freezing, texting me after a night class to get home safe. Calling if I take to long to respond because he’s worried about me. Even stupid things like telling me not to wear something cause it’s too sexy but still letting me wear it Because i want too.

My boyfriend is nothing like that.

He’s a “watcher” I guess? He’s never acted concerned or worried about me in the past year. I’m always texting him to be safe, especially because Michigan has pretty crappy roads, and weather. And I’m lucky to get a reply. He really doesn’t seem to give a crap what happens to me.

Part of me puts it off to the “tough girl” appearance I give off. I don’t get cold real easily, I’m always prepared for something bad, and I give off a “don’t fuck with me” aura. A lot of people think I’m like 5’8 and not 5’4. And in general I just scare people, I really don’t know why.

I know it’s bull shit though, as he goes days, weeks with out texting me, and even when he finally does, even if I text him back a second later it’s two more days before a reply. I feel like I’m single, and honestly sometimes I forget I’m not. I’m developed a very depressing routine of sitting and imagining what I wish would happen. Always, he’s just “too busy”. “Too busy” my ass. His job never stopped him from texting me, classes never stopped him either. I remember him always coming by on his lunch break, texting me to stay warm and that it freaks him out when I wear dresses in 10 degree weather. I miss him.