This may be longgg to read, but I would appreciate it more than anything for someone to give me advice, some help. I don’t want sympathy, this isn’t for attention, this is 100% true, i don’t know how I survived all of this. But I’m ready to tell my story.

Last year in March I was 15, I met a 17 year old boy on instagram, he was soooo good looking, had perfect abs, loads of followers, my type! we started talking and he told me loves me and wants me to be his girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend, can’t lie I’m ugly, it seemed so amazing to me, I would go tell my two best friends at time who went my school at the time. So, I met him for the first time, my best friend at the time would tell me things like “don’t smile or laugh infront of him you have. a big nose if you smile you will look ugly” and obviously i tried not to. When I saw him he told me to go back to his house. He told me to have sex, I was a virgin, when I was around 12 my aunty came from Norway and sexually abused me as I stayed at her house whilst my baby brother was being born. She would touch me in private places all the time. I didn’t want to be reminded of it getting flashbacks but when I said he got angry started swearing at me so we ended up having sex, I hated it, but I had to because I thought he loved me he told me we will get married so I did, but he didn’t love me it was all he wanted. My mum looked through my phone (my strict mum) and she saw texts and found out I had sex. And quickly, It became the worst months of my life. I was always getting beat up sooo violently by my parents, bruises all over, I was abused emotionally, physically and mentally. I had my mum and dad beating me, my mum telling me everyday because I had sex i will never get married I will become a prostitute, my aunty should’ve killed me doing those things, and even worse. My mum then decided she wanted to do FGM on me, by stitching up my vagina to make me a virgin, however I told my school. To this day, my mum still goes to court for the FGM case and she still literally bullies me for what I did. I will never know how I survived. But to this day, I cry everyday after what He did to me after sex I saw he spoke to girls, went to hotels with girls, out clubbing with girls, posting pictures of girls with nice bodies that i wished i looked like which made me suicidal, cutting myself as I felt so ugly and because of that I still feel so ugly, If i was beautiful he wouldn’t have done this to me. I thought he loved me, he blocked me on everything too later on, he wanted sex, all i wanted was love and I ended up in this situation. I am so broken. To this day the only thing keeping me from suicide is God. But I can’t lie, God still hadn’t punished him. I want him to know what he did to me, how much he hurt me and what I went through for what he did to me. I feel as if karma doesn’t exist, because I get told by people he is getting famous, his friend had started rapping and he had became involved to get fame off his friend, he’s always out in other cities and i’m here broken never allowed out because of what he did to me. I still go through pain even though it is nearly a year after. I can’t focus on my study. I am going to fail my GCSE exams and i won’t be able to make it to college and he doesn’t know what he did to me. I always think of my 15 year old self, a quiet, innocent girl who just was happy to think someone finally loved her, and ended up in my situation. i cry because i feel so sorry for my 15 year old self for going trough this. I was so young, so innocent I had sex because I thought he loved me and look what happened and he doesn’t know. I never want anyone to go through what I did. I am broken. I give up. I pray God kills me because there is no happiness in my life. I’m so ugly and I wish I looked like those girls he used to post maybe he would love me and kept his promise when he said we will get married. Now i’m not a virgin, i will never get married. I wish he knew what he did to me. He is having the best life and look at me. I can’t live like this anymore. All i want is death. My two best friends at the time snaked me out and have also gone and told people in my school now so many people know I have had sex. I’m an embarrassment, i wish he knew what he did to me