Sexually unsatisfied to the max

My husband and I are on different levels sexually. He is a selfish lover and makes it all about him but not even in a sexy way. I’ve told him I need more but it boils down to the fact that 1) he isn’t big enough 2)he isn’t good at sex. I mean it’s 4am here I wake him up to have sex and he is like 3 inches and barely hard and he said it’s because he has to be quite because the kids but damn I know guys can get hard while being quiet it’s just idk it just feels good to get these feelings out there and not just in my head. It’s making me want to cheat kinda I mean I’d never want to risk ruining a family for our kids but at the same time I need some thrill and some excitement here