9 Days Sober and I'm struggling

Everyone's battle is different. No comparing, we are all creatures trying to do what we do in the environment we are in. I grew up in an abusive household, moved onto abusive relationships, raped badly - I got out and met someone awesome. Proposed and then left me in a horrible way. During all of this I would drink to feel better or get high to stop my panic attacks. I hit a low point and somehow somewhere saw a small light to get better. Now, I've been roommates with very supportive people. I'm surrounded by positivity and therapy. Yet I find myself struggling some days. I eat healthy, I go to the gym, but I have this itching feeling to make everything go away and get wasted.

I'm finally 9 days sober but I can't stop crying. I've been so strong and I want to remain strong. I don't smoke cigarettes but some days I wonder if that would take the edge off. It's just a thought during this struggle and I've remained smoke free.

Can anybody relate and possibly share some strategies to distract from this feeling? I have lots of hobbies and I read but I just want to drink and make my memories go away. I'm doing everything I can. Does anyone have anything that helped them through this phase? Please be kind, I know I did this to myself