Struggling to cope today 😭

Well to be honest I haven’t self harmed in any formed for a month now but today I’m struggling bad. It don’t help that i actively look for pictures of self harm; it helps in a weird way but also triggers me a lot more. I have a blade hidden away in the bathroom I just don’t want to cave in.

I just want a normal life, why do I have to be like this. For nearly 7 years I’ve struggled now (13-20) I hate it.

At times all I want is someone to talk to and listen to me but I just cant talk. My boyfriends mother knows about my history with self harm but it doesn’t feel right trying to talk to her, I feel like she has better things to be getting on with.