I am currently 24 weeks and 4 days,( I didn't want to know the gender until birth) For the first year and a half of mine and my now ex's relationship he seemed like the perfect man. Excepting my flaws, interacted with my other kids, we had our ups and downs, but it was mostly ups. We used the <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">glow app</a> to track ovulation to try to get pregnant. It was something we both wanted, I was told we'd be a family, said he wanted to marry me, be together forever. Once I told him I was pregnant ... it all changed. He seemed so ready while we were trying to conceive, and once we were successful... He said he wasn't. For the first 3 months of pregnancy he seemed to be worried about money, a lot. Which I get, he's a man this will be his first kid, everyone wants to make sure the baby has everything. So around my 3 1/2 month of pregnancy he took a job working about 2 hours away, he would be gone for a week or two, come home for a few days then head back. It literally took everything in me to accept this. I've been cheated on and lied to in my past relationships and have a hard time trusting situations like that. But I let him go, and tried really hard not to seem phased by it. It killed me! I would randomly cry everyday from missing him. Lost my appetite, it was full blown depression. I felt like he was missing it! I was getting big by myself , feeling the move for the first time by myself, doctor appointmens by myself... so alone. But I never told him him any of that. He promised it would be temporary and that he was just trying to get ready for the baby. I wanted to seem like that strong woman that trusted him. About a week and a half ago he started acting more distant than usual. Me being me... I went to his online phone records. Seen a number he had been texting alot and asked him about it. Said a friend used his phone. I acted like I let it go , but deep down I knew something was up. I even texted and called the number, never got a reply. So he is staying a friend and his wife that's closer to his job. And I messaged the wife and asked if he was being good,u know?! And she had a whole lot to say. Said she over heard him and her husband talking and my bf was saying that I hacked his phone and was asking about numbers, so he apparently downloaded a texting app, can't see those online. Said he was talking to an "old friend" she said she didn't think anything of it until she seen condoms on her couch, where he mostly sleeps. She and her husband don't use them, and clearly we don't. She said he goes to the bar all the time, and comes in early mornings, Said that he even talks crap about me!!!! I am so hurt. He has been coming and going the past couple of months pretending to love me and still care, but I know it was all fake! I blocked him on all social media, he can't call or text me. I told him I hoped it was apl worth it. This was Thursday. He popped up at my house Friday.. said the girl was lying we got into a big fight ,he ended up leaving my house and thats the last I heard from him. He hasn't popped back up, no texts I( I unblocked g from my phone) People telling me he changed his fb to single, and is posting single memes on his social media. I'm crying, in shambles, so pissed that I even trusted him and he was so ready to be single!!!! I know this post is long, and I do apologise, but I don't really have any family, or close friends. So I've just been home crying, breaking down in front of my kids which makes me break down even more. I don't know what I'm looking for from this post, maybe just to vent. I'm just so messed up right now. But, I know I'm done, that's too much disrespect for me. But how can I keep from becoming bitter towards him after this?! How can I even co-parent with someone I know I will have so much hate for?! How will I ever trust anyone again?!?! ... How do I get through this?!?