Anxious and overwhelmed

I have a history of anxiety and depression and prior to getting pregnant, I came off a cocktail of three antidepressants with the help of my psychiatrist.

I am with the perinatal mental health team via the nhs. Until 24 weeks I was cripplingly anxious but then had a spell of what I would call ‘normal’ levels of pregnancy anxiety up until about 32 weeks.

I’m now at 34 and a half weeks and feel totally overwhelmed and useless. Up until now my anxiety has all centered on my ability to care for Little Madam whilst in utero and counting down days until she would be ‘safe’.

Now I’m terrified of what awaits her on the outside too - I feel there is no good option. I’m not ready for her to be in my house which is really cluttered and there seems to be 1000 jobs to do to make the place safe and ready for her.

My partner and I are getting married in 10 days, and today I woke up and felt really angry at him over his seeming inability to get things done - bless him he does try but I think partly he’s a bit ‘wish and a prayer’ and partly my anxiety means that I am constantly telling him that he’s not done things well enough. (I am usually more laid back about things). And therefore feeling very ambivalent towards the wedding. (Wedding is super small - just a registry office with my parents and sister and us as his family is in South America - ‘proper’ wedding will take place in 2020).

Work are being horribly unprofessional and not communicating their expectations despite me only having two more weeks - I am trying to put in place frameworks for my handover to ensure the best for my students who will be taking external exams and they are not responding to emails or concerns. At last check they hadn’t even placed an advert for my role! (Obviously this is not my problem but I care about my students).

Meantime I haven’t sorted out the nursery, packed a hospital bag, got any of the furniture (bar a buggy, a car seat and a snuz pod cot my friend has donated). Plans to sort out the nursery got held back when we realised the furniture we wanted wouldn’t fit in the room and therefore had to rethink the whole house and with me working a full time job plus additional tutoring and being so pregnant and exhausted it hasn’t been getting done.

I’m hoping some of this is hormonal but struggling to make it out of bed at the moment - managing mainly because I have so much pain in my hips from lying down that staying in bed is not an option.

Is anyone else feeling like this?