It just hit me

I didn't realize we've been trying to have a baby for 1 year 7 months. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and a still birth at 7.5 months. I know we'd been trying a while but only when my five year old son brought my baby girl up did I realize that it's going on 2 years. He asked “if we knew the baby was gonna die, why did we put the seed in you?" (I told him babies grow from giving the mommy a seed to eat). I said we didn't know the baby was gonna die, she just did. Then he responds that maybe it was the wrong seed and I tell him no, she was perfect and beautiful it just wasn't our time to have her. I want a baby so bad. It breaks my heart when my son goes on play dates and the kids ask him if he has a brother or sister and he says no. I'm crying so much it hurts.