Hey, so I know this probably isn't the place to do so, but I need some advice or assurance of some sort.

I'm a third year in high school, so I only have a bit more to go. To be honest, my educational future is pretty much secured.

I've taken tons of AP classes, joined two sports clubs, and two academic clubs. I have work experience starting from freshmen year. My grades are pretty decent (As and Bs). My social life is alright. I've been involved in a research program that allows me to gain real lab experience outside of school. I'm also part of a rigorous STEM track in school.

I know it sounds like I'm bragging, and I guess I kinda am in a way.

But at the same time, I can't help but feel I'm not doing enough.

Sure, I'm involved in all those things, but I know maybe 60 other kids who do the same as me and have better grades or are more dedicated to their classes and research more than me. When I see them worrying about colleges or grades or even what classes they're taking next year, I can't help but feel so isolated for not really caring.

I'm the kind of person that really wants to do what I love. I know that colleges want to see me excel in challenging courses, but I also don't see the point in taking an AP art history course if I honestly don't give a shit about it. I would much rather take film and video or even AFJROTC.

I have a friend that wanted to take a Shakespeare class because she liked literature and heard the class was incredibly enjoyable. But she looked at her course selection and immediately changed it to AP art history since the Shakespeare class was a general education class. When I asked why, she said she didn't want colleges to look at her courses and see that she began to slack off.

I would've taken the Shakespeare class. But am I wrong for doing so? Should I be focusing on taking more difficult classes to gain an advantage over top colleges?

I don't have much of a budget for college, and I will most likely only gain money from scholarships (which I haven't gotten the motivation to do just yet)

Should I forget about doing what I want and focus on doing what might be best for me?

I've been having these thoughts for a while, and it's been bringing me down a lot. My grades have slipped and I find myself not wanting to do research or schoolwork anymore. It's been about two weeks since I've felt this way, and I don't know what to do.

I know the easy answer is to do what I want or love, or to do what is best for me. But I still can't get myself out of this slump.

My friends have been asking me if I'm okay and I never want to worry them. Should I go to them for advice? I honestly find it unnecessary to trouble them with this sort of thing since they have their own problems to deal with.

I've just been losing everything lately. It feels like everyone has taken steps forward, and I'm still I'm the same exact spot I've always been.