Scared of a depression again

I had a depression last year, and don't know but I handled with it "alone" (without therapist). I told my mom a bit about that without telling her I was depressed that much.

In September, I felt pretty well, no depression, a bit anxious sometimes but nothing too bad.

Now...It's the worst. Iam always worried, I don't like who I am, I don't know who I am, I feel like the universe doesn't help me, I have no motivation for my studies etc.

I am really afraid to have depression and become crazy again and I would like to see a therapist.

But I don't have the money so I don't know what to do🙁

I have my family but first, I am a bit too proud and ashamed to tell them I feel that bad...also they're gonna worry too much for me and it's not what I want.

Second, they're all busy and don't really have the time to talk with me...

I'm studying in another country so it can be by phone calls only.

Do you have any tips on how I can handle it??