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First poopy diaper after hospital

I’m a ftm and my 5 day year old son just had his first poopy diaper from the hospital. Let’s just say I threw up, peed myself from laughing(I’m verrry sleep deprived) and watched my son pee all over his face and then me. And then my husband. As I was trying to get the poop that was caked on his balls. Let’s just say so far I’m not doing that great at the parenting 😆

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