1 year 😢

On the 15th will be a year since I took that test. 1 year ago. I can’t believe it’s been a year and I have nothing to show for it. No baby, no ultrasound, nothing except those positive tests I STILL can’t get rid of. This week has already been so hard. I can’t stop thinking about what could have been. And still hoping each and every time AF is supposed to come that she doesn’t... feeling a little depressed and selfish. My friend was going to have her baby shower on the 15th. I couldn’t stop thinking how that would feel. Attending a celebration of somebody else’s baby on the anniversary of when I got my first ever bfp that ended in a loss... she had to move the date so I felt relieved. But also felt so bad because I want to be happy for her. I want to be happy. Everyone I know is getting pregnant with their second and I can’t even have one 😭 I just want my own little angel here with me. I just want to be happy. I don’t know how to bring it up with my boyfriend because it becomes touchy. Makes him sad. But I think about this almost every day and just need to talk about it. These next couple months are going to be so hard thinking about how I was pregnant for 6 weeks and that was the happiest time of my life. All I can think is one year ago I took tests that came back positive. Then March is going to come and it’ll be one year since I miscarried... hurts more today then it has in a while.